"Life is an Occasion, Rise to It."

spring break is soooon!!!!
i am so stoked its absurd.
this week of doing nothing will be great.
i am so ready for a break!
i love my campus.
i love to be able to just chill on the grass for ever and just do whatever.
its great.
there's a group of prospective students running around with their parentals and it makes me laugh.
and it also freaks me out man! it doesn't seem like i was them this time last year. it is totally inconceivable.
i feel like such a different person. its weird. like i have the same beliefs, passion's, friends and stuff but i feel older...
thats kinda yucky. i dont wanna be a grown up. its happening tho. owell i dont need to pay any attetion to it. that is one of my goals: to not become stuffed into an adult box. to not laugh always, to not get mad at nothing, to live for everything b.c it's all important in some way or another. "Laugh as much as you breathe, love as long as you live." such a great motto. i've wavored back and forth with my abba but i feel like it is finally MY relationship with him, not my parents, not trav's, not my friends. but mine. i own it. i have the ability to choose and i choose him. i choose for him to be the path in every lesson, every strife, every battle as well as every silly joke, every absurd moment and every smile. he truly is my everything. i will always forget that and i will always loose my way and cover my own eyes. but i will learn from those and remember the lesson. the lesson that he has been teaching me lately is that EVERYTHING IS A CHOICE! no matter what it is. love is only love if chosen - max lucado.
also i havnt been so down everytime i think of nana : ) that makes me very happy. it was getting really old to just think of something she did and feel this wave just crash on me and drown me for a long while. of course it is still yucky to not hear her voice. just recently when i was writing my italian composition, i wanted to be able to just call her and hear how insanely stoked she would've been hearing my words in italian. that was pretty hard. but it'll only get better. life will continue, i will become fluent, i will visit my family in italy, i will love her with my whole heart for my whole life. those are not options, they are facts. but just b.c i miss her doenst give me any merit to mope about it and blame her death for my saddness. when was nana ever like that? never. and i won't live my life like that. she has always been proud of me and i will still make her proud even though i can't hear her saying it : )
joel and i had a crazy intense discussion. i cant even begin to explain it. but i know it was great and there are lots to read on my computer if i really want to remember all of it : ) but all that to say, god taught my whole family something from that battle. patience and not to blame something for how life turned out to be. everything is a choice! how beautiful is that!?
che bella!
oh it was totally cool. i was playing with andrew and i said Dov'è? (where are you) and my dad was like what did you just say? i was all i said dov'è? and he said where are you right? i was so overjoyed it was crazy!!! he remembered what it meant! so that means i said it right!!!!!!!! that was soooooo exciting!
ok class time.