birfday month

well its july.
i'm not sure how that happened whatsoever.
i feel like its still grad summer b.c it doesnt feel like theres been a year in between.
not much has gone on so far.
just chillin at friends' houses all the time.
so thats good. not much money spent.
working all the time.
that blows.
god and i.
well.
its a battle on my end still.
it gets so hard to will myself to do what he wants when i know i can't hear his praise.
then i also know that i shouldnt do anything with the purpose of getting anything. i should be humble.
why do i know that but dont act on it?
bah.
i know i will praise him through all of it.
i dont want to feel like theres a huge empty hole in my heart ever again.
that is the main thing driving me.
but i am still getting stuck on the notion of 'i dont wanna!'
its difficult.
ok bye : )