i want to wake up excited:

i want my day to be an adventure.
i want to be grateful for what is coming.
i don't want to know exactly what is going to happen today, tomorrow, next monday.
i am so overly complacent.
whether it be today, next tuesday or a tuesday in november, i know i'll be at the office.
from 7:30 when i leave till 6:00 when i get back home.
today. tomorrow and yesterday.
same...
ok, true. now i can throw school in twice a week: wednesday & thursday.
but i still know what is going to be the day's tasks and routine.
i don't know how to love god when all he talks about is leaving the life you know to pursue him with great intent and passion and yet here i am; living the life i know despite myself screaming to be elsewhere.
yeah, i love my major but why?
yeah, i love my roommates but why?
yeah, i love living close to the beach but what for?
i want to do something ridiculously drastic.
i want to stop school, get a visible tattoo & go vagabond around the world in search of god's face.
but i can't.
it seems like these feelings go away but they always find a way back into my thoughts and my heart.
:/