romance:

my views on romance have changed drastically in the last few months.
the only reason that i used to want to be in a relationship was for the physical aspect.
pause:
before i go on, PLEASE do not get me wrong here. i want to be kissed and held.  i am not un-human. i just have a different posture on romance than i used to.
okay, continuing on...
god has been cultivating a new posture in my heart concerning romance and love.
he's been doing this by placing numerous godly couples in my life the past few months.
this has been both so encouraging and so difficult.
to see god's love pouring out of marriages that are deeply rooted in christ's love is one of thee most beautiful things that god gives
...and it's one of thee most hardest things that he gives because it reminds me that
i
still
do
not
have
anyone.
the beauty of it is that it paints a rad picture of the now... but not yet that god speaks of.
there is godly marital love now... but it is also not yet for me to experience.
there is god's kingdom that is now on this earth... but also god's new kingdom that is not yet here.
it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
quite the contrary.
it just means it's not time yet.
when it's my time, i want to romance and be romanced to glorify god and to bring his kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.
i've been told so many times that i need to figure out what i like and don't like in a guy by dating.
this theory has always confused the heck out of me.
if i strive to live every single bit of my life with sincere intentionality, why then should the romance part be exempt from living this way?
i want the heart that i give to my husband to be as intact as possible.
i trust that god has protected my heart this long for a reason and i can't wait to figure it out.
there has not been one piece given to a guy.
it's all there.
how many 20 year olds can say that?
i boast in my jesus for giving me the ability to say that in this generation of one night stands.
he knows the desires of my heart.
he knows i want a man to give kisses to and to serve alongside and support.
he also knows that i want his will to be done through my life more than i want life itself.
for to be alive is to be christ's messenger and to be dead is to be in his bounty. - phil 1:21 msg
either way, his kingdom is glorified.
so:
if my life is going to be lived in marriage to a sexy man that has tattoos and a heart for serving the lord, amen.
and
if my life is going to be lived in marriage to jesus and jesus alone,
amen to that too.
in saying that it doesn't mean that i am done praying about and for the man god has for me.
i pray for my future man with a confident expectation, a hope, an elpis, that comes from faith in christ.
faith that says: you know the desires of my heart.
if god's will is to remain single, then he will change the desires of my heart to be for that life.
right now, today, january 2nd 2010, i desire a marriage now on earth and not yet to jesus in heaven.
who else knows what that will look like but the god of creation? not one soul. selah.