Chest bump:

I have had an inexorable thirst for knowing who God is lately.
I don't understand how it got here but I do know where it came from.
It came from me asking questions.

History:
Growing up, when I asked my mom or dad something and they said no, I wasn't allowed to whine or pout or ask again because the rule was that what they said is what went down.  If I did any of those 3 things, I would get in trouble.
I hated HATED getting in trouble so I simply never pushed the envelope.
No meant no.
Period.

God and Me / Act 1, Scene 1000:

Me:
"I can't question you because if I question you, then I don't respect you.
And if I don't respect you, then I don't believe in you.
And I can't not believe in you.
Because I am a Christian.
I have nothing else to be."

God:
"Yes, you do.  Yourself."

Me:
"Me?"

God:
...

So I ran with that.
And there began my hunt for how to be instead of what to be.

A few months ago I actually began questioning God.
What kind of questions you ask?
Questions like,
"Who are you?"
"Why do you love me?"
"Why don't you leave?"
"Who am I?"
"How do I be both alive in you and dead in this earth?"
"What is the purpose of dying to my earthly self?"
"How big is your Kingdom, really?  And why do I want to fight for it?"

Essentially, I have been exploring him to see if what I'd been told my whole life to be true,
was in fact truth.
Stephen Grindle said it like this,
"You can chest bump God!  Maybe that doesn't make sense for girls though... you can call God out and see if he is all he says he is."
I chest bumped God.
I fell flat on my butt but I did it.
I found truth and I am finding more each day.

Chest bump God.
I dare you.