well

so.
a few things.
1: god really likes to prod at me
2: i really hate studying
3: certain thoughts get really old after a while
4: change can be pretty stinky
5: i really want to have some tea

theres some stuff shooting around in my head right now.
tonight at small groups i was jsut totally lost on the section we read so i just gave up paying attention which really bothers me after its already too late to start listening again. but of course i started right when god was speaking the most to me. lately i've been feeling god wanting parts of my life and i've been saying
"no you cant be serious. i'm doing just fine with these things in my life."
every time i say that to myself i know something huge is coming but every time i fail to remember that until afterwards.
i hate that.
i honestly don't remember the stupidity of my actions.
blah.
i'm so stubborn.
i love to tell god i love him and that he is absolutely amazing and he is! and i mean it whole heartedly.
but when it comes time to DOING things, i shrink back and say why can't you just be satisfied with me telling you i love you!
it's absurd.
i'm absurd.
o man.
so ya. while i was thinking all of this everyone was going around in a circle reading from our topic. then we came to the bible verse at the end which was about abraham being told by god to offer his son isacc as an offering. HE SAID OK. how do you do that. how do you physically tie up your kid, stick him on a pile of wood, hold up a flippin knife that you use to kill livestock and attempt to kill your kid! oye ve. cant you imagine isacc! watching his father thinking he is INSANE. im pretty sure he wasnt just chillin on the pile of wood saying ok cool im gunna die and its b.c my pops is stabbing me. i think not. he was most likely squirming around like mad, screaming at the top of his lungs saying no and crying. then god said abraham, abraham. i remember rodrigo saying once that when god says something twice he means business. so that was amazing to read. god has ALWAYS asked for everything. its not just everythinf from me. i tend to think that alot. so ya all that to say. even though i dont want to offer up my life i know in the end it will be his best.


next thought:
i really like tea and i totally want to go to this neat place down the road called Cha for Tea. but thats impossible b.c its 12:01 meaning its not open haha. tea is so interesting. i've liked coffee for so long that it's not that exciting anymore. but tea is a taste i'e just recently began to like. so its fun to try new flavors! wow thats pretty dorky but that is totally cool.

k i really need to study now. i can't do crappy again on my midterm in soc.
i hate that class.
i do not like how sociologists perceive life.
the finger is always pointing towards the other person.
"society is corrupt because of everyone BUT me."
at least thats how i see it.
enlighten me if its not.
ok goodnight.
too much rambling.
im not usually this drawn out and boring.
buenos noches.