"When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves."

why does love seem to be a wacked out combination of excitement/hurt/confusion/joy/anticipation/scary sometimes?

there are so many different facets to love.

one is towards thee One.
who doesnt need me but wants me, all of me. forever.

one is towards that one person.
that prince that is out there somewhere.
i hope.

one is towards the amazing people.
the best friend in my dorm, the other across the walkway, the other two hours south of here.

one is towards this book next to me.
written with more passion than i could hope to express daily.

how can this one single word have so many meanings?
how can the absense of it make one feel as though their heart has halted to a dead stop?
on the other hand, how can the presense of it give one the ability to take heart and go forward in life.
as if though there were no barriers, no problems, no pain, none.

some days, when i see the smiles that two lovers give to each other, the well-known thump of my worrysome heart thudding to the bottom of me for the chance that i may never get that, hurts. hurts hard.

some days crying seems like the only emotion created.

those types of days make me feel pathetic.

i
complain that
i
have no love.
thats absurd.
god is my love.
yet
i
still say that love will never find me.

that word sucks.
i
when used in the context of me me me.

why did anyone ever create it. seriously. its stupid. living a life for
i
is so pointless.
but it is SO consuming and easily done.
it's an after thought most of the time b.c that is how this culture has raised us.

right now i'm really not sure whats running around in my head.
one minute i think its sorrow for what was and never will be again.
the next minute its anxiousness towards what will come.
and still next is the excitement for adventures and the chance to live life.

i miss youth group.
i've been missing it alot lately.
the hugs.
man those hugs are irreplaceable.
the crazy noise that never stoped.
the weird leaders that i love and miss like crazy.
the conversations after it was over.
the way friends would yell my name because they missed me even though i saw them at school about 5 hours earlier when they saw me and i them.

i miss those friends too.
cory, micah, rachel, emma, kelsey, jane, trevor, mercedes, carrissa, dustin, nick, jon, alisha.
all of them.

i miss bouska.
way too much.
the peach tea.
the crazy thoughts that always came out at the worst times : )
the full conversations we'd have with just looks.
the death hugs i would give her.
just her.
but then i realize how silly i am being because i have 6 great friends here with me and i am whining about just one person not being near me.

man.
it is late.
i knew i shouldn't have taken a flippin 3 hour nap today.
haha
i'm going to go read more now.