Please. Hear me as I pray.
Pay attention to my groaning.
Can you even make sense of these ramblings?
My groans and my cries?
Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for I pray to no one but you.
I need your help...
Every morning you'll hear me at it again.
Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar.
I wait and watch for fire to descend.
Listen to my voice, LORD.
Every morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.
Because of your unfailing love, I can enter your house
I will worship at your Temple with deepest awe.
Lead me in the right path, O LORD.
If you don't, my enemies will conquer me. I'm sure of it.
Make your way plain for me to follow.
Cover me with your shield of love.
- Psalm 5
thinking back on my walk with god, the part in this prayer "every morning" does not fit in with my prayers. i'll pray this kind of prayer once or twice then just let myself and my soul get swallowed in the sea of my desires. waiting expectantly versus waiting with expectations. praying out of pure desperation versus praying with a desperate tone. both are two vastly different things that i've fused together. there is so much to learn on this path i have chosen with my god. i get so overwhelmed when i take things in my hands. what a coincidence. shocking even. (sarcasm)
theres nothing different about the words i've said in response to god this time around after a raging storm passed through my soul.
theres nothing special about them now or before.
the difference comes from the posture of my heart.
this time, instead of faking perfection i know my heart is shattered, bruised and broken.
as Bono sings, "a heart that hurts is a heart that beats."
my heart is alive.
and it has been chucked in gods face : )
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