pectus pectoris:

HEART
My heart has been released.
In quite a comical way actually.
Story:
Sunday night at the garden, i was freaking done with fighting. done with being false. done with myself. during my usual banter with god the song take my heart and let it be consecrated all to thee was playing. i was thinking about the phrase "i give you my heart" and how many effing times i have said those words to god and how many times i have stolen them back. so i started to say, "lord take my heart i lay it at your feet..." then i caught myself and said, "NO dammit i am going to CHUCK my heart at your face because i am sick of this whole thing. i am deciding to be your daughter and that is final. so take this stupid thing." (i have a very different relationship with god than most people if you couldn't tell haha) i had this hysterical picture in my head of me seriously chucking my bloody red beating anatomical heart and it flying towards god and him catching it and cracking up at my determination. i just started laughing during musical worship and it was so joyous.


that is my story.
that is how my heart has been ripped from my earthly corpse.
i knew i had to be the one to get rid of it.
god only asks for it.
over.
and.
over.
and.
over.
again.
but until i reach in, take it out and give it (or chuck it) to god,
every word
every action
...worthless.
that is what i am resting in.
my life on earth is nothing.
my life in god...
there are no human words that could even touch what having a life in god is like.
not
even
one.


pee es:
this is a song written & sung by John Mark McMillan & covered by DCB - How He Loves:


He is jealous for me,

Love is like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,

Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Oh how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
Oh how He loves.