revelation:

Can I just flat out say that I am both extremely exhausted and frustrated.
I'm exhausted because my emotions have been unable to rest since January.
I'm frustrated because I feel that going to school in Portland is no longer my call.
As each month turned into the next, so a new lesson come into view as well.
January: Pride / February: Control / March: Self-Hate / April: Fear
I am so tired of pushing into my heart.  I want it to be done soon. Please?
Yet, when I say that, my heart knows it's not over.
I know the vow I have made to love my God involves seasons of not wanting to... and pushing through.

So now what?

Now I am unsure where to go... or how to go... or why to go... if I'm even going anywhere. 

I am frustrated. 

God, Give me a revelation, 
Show me what to do
Cause I’ve been tryin’ to find my way,
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without You 
eiybnsekhtksvhyikdhmj,dkkcjnmn,vbmkslcnv!
I am weak.
I am spent.
I am loved.
I just want to sit down and rest.
Keep going.
Not my will but yours, Abba.
Amen.