part one of a day with many parts:

i spent the night at bouska's place last night and had amazing conversations about our hearts and gods heart and our lives. (along with trying to make fried rice which we failed at but owell) it baffles me how even after 3 times so far of a new school year, i still absolutely HATE leaving her to live 2 hours of a separate life. but god has kept our friendship not only in tact but growing together so even though i hate it, i've got a ton to be grateful for.

anyway, a few things came from our time together which is why i say, part one of a day with many parts...

1. LOVE:

her roomie brittany(who by the way is adorable!) is getting married in 98 days to an awesome guy named josh(who is amazing too). they have so much love for each other and its so refreshing to be reminded that there is true biblical love on this planet and in my generation.

so, bouska and i started talking about love...

recently she went through a breakup causing a severe heart break. needless to say, her views of love are a bit skeptical. me, on the other hand, i have never been in a relationship.

i dont know what it means to have love die.

i dont know what it means to lose your best friend.

my question to myself was, 'why should i protect my heart from love just because of the possibility of getting hurt?' i dont see why i should view love as something that might hurt me if it never actually has hurt me.

i see how this way of thinking could be viewed as naive but i personally think its healthy.

i haven't been unscathed romantically for a reason; god has shielded my stupid heart from that kind of pain all throughout high school and so far college for a reason.

albeit i have no idea what that reason looks like but nonetheless i'm sure there is indeed a reason and if i get to find out, i'm not scared to at all but stoked to go through it.

instead, he's guided me on a path full of different kinds of pain/growth process:

ruining a friendship with a best friend.

dealing with sins that i still am shocked i fell into.

loosing my nana.

having multiple wars in my soul between god and myself.

feeling worthless, ugly, unimportant & inadequate.

those have been my pains. my struggles.

they are no harder than a heart break.

no less important than dealing with rape or drug addictions.

pain is pain no matter what the personal struggle is.

so yeah i get it. i have never been in a relationship.

i know i cannot empathize with christina.

but i also know that i know what love is.

god.

love is god because god created and is love.

yet, humans cannot give a love that is perfect.

but. we. can. receive. it.

and we can receive it well.

the distorted definition comes when we want it to be perfect NOW.

it isn't.

it can't.

the climax to our life's story has not come yet.

we are living the conflict/resolution/conflict/resolution/conflict part of life right now.

no emotion.

nor tangible item.

nor marriage.

nor child.

NOTHING will be the ultimate climax because that is not the way god designed it to work.

our life's story was not meant to be completed on this earth.

so, Love;

Love deep.

Love hard.

Love long.