why the hell am i crying?:

friday:
"Nothing is more wonderful than the imagination; for in a moment you can experience a beautiful fantasy or an exciting adventure. But beware, nothing is more powerful than the imagination. For it can also expand your greatest fears into an overwhelimg nightmare. Are the powers of imagination strong enough and bright enough to withstand the evil forces that invade mickey's dream?"

(no, i did not just quote that from memory, youtube helped)
anyways... the story that ensues tests the question if mickey is indeed strong enough and bright enough to withstand the evil forces. it presents a life that is full of adventure, romance, overcoming obstacles, running through the darkest parts of life, greatness & it shows us the ending that we all want.
he played with monkeys, he romanced a princess, he fought a dragon, he faced his fears.
and at the end he comes out and gets to steer his own ship, shoot out fireworks from his fingers and gets a full on symphony of hero music to close with "some imagination huh?"
mickey gets it.
mickey knows that in order to have a life worth retelling, you've gotta put yourself out there.
mickey gets to say that he did something with the cards he was dealt.
this may seem far fetched but i dont really think it is.
if narrative is life in written form, then mickey is who we want to be.
that is why everyone who's grown up in disney is captivated by it.
walt disney understood what it took to write a story;
create a character that would root themselves in the viewer.
im nervous my life wont be worth retelling

saturday:
i was home alone! that hasn't happened in MONTHS!!!
i hate it.
i don't get why i hate it so much??
i get in such a funk its absurd.
i want to cry and be mad for no reason.
then, i start thinking about my lack of boy.
never a good thought process.
yes, i want a boyfriend.
i want one so that i won't be lonely.
i think thats ok?
iunno.
i'm too tired to formulate any thoughts.