quiet:

my head has been less talkative lately. 

which is odd because i normally never shut up. 

in times when i need god to answer things, i have lots of ideas, thoughts and opinions about everything.

but

when god has answered things in my life, those ideas, thoughts and opinions get... a lot quieter. 

why?

i think it's because i don't remember god when i don't need god. 

what a lame bride i am.

if i were in a tangible relationship and i did that to my man, he'd have every reason to leave me. 

its so lame because i always think about how much i want a boyfriend and how awesome it would be to share EVERYTHING with him.  

...

and do everything with him.

but i can't even love god all the time so why would i love a guy all the time? 

i think that's my problem.

i just want to be on the receiving end of things.

to be told i'm beautiful.

to be told i'm loved.

to be told i'm special.

to be kissed.

...

HOW LAME!

who would want to be with someone like that?!

always having to pour pour out and never getting filled back up?

bah.

i want god to know that i think he is beautiful, loved and special.

(i can't really kiss him tho lol but i think he'll understand)

so.

all that to say:

love. 

on days i don't want to.

on days i feel like i don't deserve god. 

and on days when that is all i want to do. 

in the name of christ jesus my lord and savior, amen.