SELAH:

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:

Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."



my dear friend Alisha Elmo enthusiastically sent this foreword by Donald Miller in his book Through Painted Deserts to me the other day.  she and i have been talking a ton about my move to portland because she was in the same situation last year or so with her decision to move from riverside to washington.
within the last week i have had many doubts.
i have been giving a hard look at my life here in long beach and have been realizing how many blessings and answers to prayers i have been given in the last 5ish months:
-a church that doesn't allow me to sit in the corner. a church that flows like theOverflow flowed.
-a community of dear dear friends whom are more like family because they simply will not just let me do what i want but instead constantly push me to what god wants through prayers, conversations and love.
-roommates that uplift, encourage, play fight, love.
these are things i have been praying for over the past 2 years of college.
why did god decide to give them to me now when it's time to leave?

well i got it this morning.
god gave me these blessings so that i could give them back to him.
so that he could say, see how much i love you? i never left you. i always heard you.
yeah, it is most definitely going to be the hardest thing when it comes time to leave my family here.
but
i have been given my hearts desires and passions to pursue a major in Urban Studies.  its amazing because this major is brand new.
2 years ago it didn't exist.
let me say that again:
2 years ago it didn't exist.
god is nuts.
i have been at CSULB for 2 years growing and seeking and preparing and i didn't even realize it.
that is absolutely god.
i cannot doubt.
i need to stop being afraid that he will not give me friends because i need to trust that his intentions are not to uproot me and drop me on desert earth.
i am a plant growing constantly and moving to portland, switching pots so-to-speak, will bring forth fruit.
i yearn for the fruits that come off of my vines to be a thousand percent god's so that they quench the insatiable hunger and thirst people have for god when they take hold of them and eat. not because of my own prideful desires but because i want, i need people to know the god i know because he is all i am.
without him,
i am nothing.

its hard being in one place knowing i am going to another.
some good advice is this:
"i enjoy all of it and it is all Kingdom work.  so having that as the unifying factor helps."
being here is kingdom work.
going there is kingdom work.
SELAH
(exclamation of praise)
keep praying whoever reads these thoughts.
and know i love you but mostly know, the creating god loves you more.