boldness:

haiti.


http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/special/32-hours-the-church-in-haiti


please. please. watch it. 
like francis chan always does with his books or teachings;
seriously, pause. do it. set aside an hour out of 24. watch this video.


words?
i know i couldn't formulate any.
after awhile, my heart sang this to god:


Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to Eternity


my thoughts slowly came and they said "i am selfish."
with finances, words, relationships, time, life.


"the joy of the LORD, the Ever Existing One, is our strength." nehemiah 8:10

i've been silent for a week. 

my thoughts have been deadened with personal convictions.

i was going to blog about those convictions but i just...

i can't.

i can't think about myself when i just watched this message about Haiti.

i can't honestly say that my life is important after seeing image bearers of god scooped up into a dump truck and hauled off to be cast away into metal bins and buried in mass graves.  

i can't want to be glorified when god's heart is weeping for his children. 

i can't turn my eye the other way when my brothers and sisters in christ are left for dead. 

i can't dismiss something that is so important to god with an indifferently said:

"oh how terrible. i'll pray."

i can't and i won't. 

i have no idea what this is going to look like yet.

i know that it starts, middles and strongholds with praying prayers like in acts 4 when "after they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly."

but will there be an after? 

will there be personally creatively inventing something to tangibly do?

will there be me joining a team and going there?
will there be a financial campaign of some sort to create? 

what??

i don't know yet.

i do know what it does mean.

it means wait on the lord. 

he is not saying yes or no to any of those questions.

he is saying wait, later, not yet. 

wait.

later.

not yet.

"I AM who I AM!" 

"I ever shall be the same that I am today." - exodus 3:14 
do i believe that?
i have no idea if i will ever personally know what the Haitians are dealing with. 
i know they believe that though. 
when you can say with your whole heart the "joy you see comes from the Lord" right after your wife's funeral and your country reduced to shambles, it is truth.
haiti is heavy on my heart.
it took something of this magnitude to wake my heart up to the pain in this world and gives me the smallest dose of how god hurts for his children.
well, my heart is awake and it is living.
boldly praying into this and waiting on god to direct our every move. 

the earth has already shook.

it is now time for the foundations of God to be revealed through the ruins.