journaling. talking. blogging. writing poetry. WORDS IN GENERAL.
silenced.
silenced.
it seems like God has taken them away from me.
usually, God leads me to him through my time of writing.
when i have no words, its a lot more difficult to listen.
?
that's a contradiction.
how do i listen when words are rolling out of my mouth?
i suppose that is the lesson i am on.
silencing myself before god when what i'd rather do is talk.
this seems to be a vital piece to following god with my soul instead of simply my actions.
but it is really freaking hard when i just want to go do something.
i want to start working with NGOs.
i want to move to africa.
i want to move to portland.
i want to stay in long beach.
i want to be married.
i want to adopt children.
above all, i want to know god more intimately.
AND I DO NOT WANT TO WAIT FOR THEM.
I WANT THEM NOW!
but take a wild guess at what i hear after each statement.
loudly and boldly.
PATIENCE, BELOVED.
oh that word!
i am so sick and tired of being told wait over and over again!
wait.
wait actively in knowing god more intimately.
wait to adopt children.
wait to be loved and to love a man.
wait to leave long beach.
wait to move to portland.
wait to see what god wants me to do with africa.
wait to start working with NGOs.
I JUST WANT JESUS.
wait.
I JUST WANT JESUS.
wait.
WAIT.
ok! ok.
agreed.
i will wait for you, my god because you prevail each and every time.
it is really hard for me to do that when my heart is somewhere else.
all of this is a list of petty whining complaints.
so here i am. petty. whining. complaining.
and continuing to learn how to patiently love the creator of life.
and continuing to learn how to patiently love the creator of life.
to work on your time instead of mine.
i just want you.
how can i have you in heaven if i refuse to love you here on earth.
i'll wait jesus.
actively waiting on earth for my home in heaven.
i just want you.
how can i have you in heaven if i refuse to love you here on earth.
i'll wait jesus.
actively waiting on earth for my home in heaven.
amen.
Afrika? Kweli? Kwa nini? Ninapenda Tanzania na ninakaa hapa vilevile. Karibu badaa unasubiri kidogo.
ReplyDeleteok i think i translated that correctly:
ReplyDeleteAfrica? Really? Why? Tanzania is nice and I live here as well.
Come badaa(it didn't translate this word?) after you wait a little.
right?
well, i've wanted to go to africa ever since i was 13. my old church played one of those videos promoting awareness for africa during a service on mission fields. since then, its just griped me and my heart. during high school i did a ton of mission stuff all with the intent of one day going to africa. entering college i chose nursing as my major because i wanted to take that and go live in africa. once i got into college though, god took missions out of my life. i had tried about 5 different times to go on mission trips both long term and short term; all of which got shut down. after i let go of my heart and gave it to god he informed me that he took missions away because i had turned them into a power booster for me to show off my great self. so for 2 years i'd completely forgotten that i had a passion for africa. then when i met you and saw your passion for it, god reminded me how passionate my heart was for it too. so ya. that is why i want to go to africa : )
heck yes! i will for sure take you up on coming to tanzania once God guides me there! i really do feel like that is where i am going after portland. it makes sense. orphanage = kids and i have a passion for them as well as i do for africa. so african kids are a good combo of the two haha but who knows what god has cooked up lol.
Karibu = Welcome Ninapenda = I like/love Badaa (I may have misspelled it) = after. They also word things different in sentence structure and use the word karibu for everything.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, good to know you wanna come out!