I Got A Name:

Am I getting impatient with waiting or is God is showing me more to my path?

Portland is becoming less and less of a reality.

The fact is, I have no money and no way of getting money.

I've exhausted all options. 

I know that if God wants me there, then he will provide the crazy dough to go.  

My friend Alex said to me that I may be resting in the idea of Portland instead of God. 

The idea:

Move to Portland in August.

Go to school at WPU for 2 years.

Graduate with a B.S. in Urban Studies with an emphases in Social Justice.

Be led by God during that time to the social justice cause I'm most passionate about.

Well, Alex was right.

I was completely resting in that sweet plan.

Well, the correct phrase would be grabbing at that sweet plan.

This plan was great:

Room for some Holy Spirit action with just enough restrictions to make it work for me.

I just want myself to go AWAY and leave me alone.

How many times growing up were we told, 

"Don't grab. Wait for me to give it to you."

Bah.

Fact #1:

I have been resting in the plan of Portland 

instead of

being peacefully content in life in God. 

It's very difficult living in the thin space of Jesus.  

I rest in God's arms.

AND

I writhe out of them.

Often.

Fact #2:

By the grace of God, that doesn't change the way he loves me. 

Whether I am at peace in his arms or pushing out of them, my name is still on his lips.

Selah.

Man, I would love some prayer.

Pray that I would seek to know God's heart instead of grabbing at things... & people.

Pray that I would grow into the woman that I already am.

It's so strange calling myself a woman.

I'm supposed to still be a little girl.

Maybe in high school.

My mom is a woman. 

But, me?

How do I mature in my faith without loosing my silly self? 

I've been trying to be all the other women around me instead of being me.  

Fact #3:

I already am who I was created to be.

Now, the point is to allow it to surface.

Pushing deep into God so that the residue of my sin would loosen it's grip & be gone.

Well, here I am.

Instead of trying to figure out life...

What me-woman to be.

What state or country to live in.

What career plan to follow.

What man to want.

I am going to resume my space in God's arms and continue to learn.

To learn more of what Jesus meant when the Holy Spirit whispered to me:

"Drown in my love, Beloved."

...and all God's people said,

"AMEN!"